I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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