The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
