Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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