cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize