You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
