I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize