dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
