Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
