Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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