Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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