I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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