she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
