she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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