we have pet lesbian snakes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
