What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
