There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
