I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
