She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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