Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
