I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
