I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
