just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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