This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
