i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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