But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my shit smells like andre
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
