smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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