I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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