Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
