I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
