we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
