Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
