They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize