Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
