you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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