I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
