fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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