Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
