We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
