my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
