If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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