I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
