i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
