So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
