I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
