you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
