we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
