i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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