HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
