bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
