You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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