Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
