God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
