I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So much rum. So many feels.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
