I hope mine doesn't look like that
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
