Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
