I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize