Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
