it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
