Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
