who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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