my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
