i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
