But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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